12 lessons you learn or end up regretting forever

12 lessons you learn or end up regretting forever12 lessons you learn or end up regretting foreverSticking your neck out and taking charge of your career is no trivial matter. Whether thats switching careers, going back to school, or walking away from a j-o-b to start your own business, it takes a lot of guts.But guts will only get you so far. Once you build up the nerve and make the leap, youre no mora than 5% of the way there. You still have to succeed in your new endeavor, and trying to succeed is when your worst fears (the ones that made you hesitate in the first place) will come true.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moraIm going to assume youre like me and dont have a brilliant mentor, a rich uncle, or some other person who is going to show you the ropes and explain each step you need to take to take charge of your career.You see, its been almost 20 years since I last had a boss . I went from working in a surf shop to striking out on my own, eventually startingTalentSmart(with a partner) before Id finished grad school.When I set out on my own, I had all the gumption and appetite for risk that I needed to take charge of my career. At the time I thought that was all I needed to succeed.It wasnt. I also needed guidance. Without it, I learned some difficult (and often painful) lessons along the way.Id like to share some of my biggest lessons learned with you so that they can help you as you take charge of your career (in whatever form that takes). As I look back on behauptung lessons, I realize that theyre really great reminders for us all.1. Confidence must come firstSuccessful people often exude confidence - its obvious that they believe in themselves and what theyre doing. It isnt their success that makes them confident, however. The confidence was there first.Think about itDoubt breeds doubt.Why would anyone believe in you, your ideas, or your abilities if you didnt believe in them yourself?It takes confidence to reach for new challenges.People who are fearful or insecure tend to stay within their comfort zones. But comfort zones rarely expand on their own. Thats why people who lack confidence get stuck in dead-end jobs and let valuable opportunities pass them by.Unconfident people often feel at the mercy of external circumstances.Successful people arent deterred by obstacles, which is how they rise up in the first place.Confidence is a crucial building block in a successful career, and embracing it fully will take you places you never thought possible. No one is stopping you from what you want to accomplish but yourself. Its time to remove any barriers created by self-doubt.2. Youre living the life that youve createdYou are not a victim of circumstance. No one can force you to make decisions and take actions that andrang contrary to your values and aspirations. The circumstances youre living in today are your own - you created them .Likewise, your future is entirely up to you. If youre feeling stuck, its probably because youre afraid to take the risks necessary to achieve your goals and live your dreams.When its time to take action, remember that its always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than at the top of one you dont.3. Being busy does not equal being productiveLook at everyone around you. They all seem so busy - running from meeting to meeting and firing off emails. Yet how many of them are really producing, really succeeding at a high level?Success doesnt come from movement and activity. It comes from focus - from ensuring that your time is used efficiently and productively. You get the same number of hours in the day as everyone else. Use yours wisely. After all, youre the product of your output, not your effort. Make certain your efforts are dedicated to tasks that get results.4. Youre only as good as those you associate withYou should strive to surround yourself with people who inspire you, people who make you want to be better. And you probably do. But what about the people who drag you down? Why do you allow them to be a part of your life?Anyone who makes you feel worthless, anxious, or uninspired is wasting your time and, quite possibly, making you mora like them. Life is too short to associate with people like this. Cut them loose.5. Squash your negative self-talkWhen youre taking charge of your career, you wont always have a cheerleader in your corner. This magnifies the effects of self-doubt. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that - thoughts, not facts.When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things your inner voice says, its time to stop and write them down. Literally stop what youre doing and write down what youre thinking.Once youve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed i n evaluating their veracity.6. Avoid asking What if?What if? statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry, which are detrimental to reaching your goals. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time youll spend taking action and staying productive. Asking what if? will only take you to a place you dont want - or need - to go. Of course, scenario planning is a necessary and effective planning technique. The key distinction here is to recognize the difference between worry and strategic thinking about your future.7. Schedule exercise and sleepI cant say enough about the importance of quality sleep. When you sleep your brain removes toxic proteins from its neurons that are by-products of neural activity when youre awake. Unfortunately, your brain can remove them adequately only while youre asleep.So when you dont get enough sleep, the toxic proteins remain in your brain cells, wreaking havoc by im pairing your ability to think - something no amount of caffeine can fix.Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you dont get enough - or the right kind - of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present, which are a major productivity killer.Ambition often makes you feel as if you must sacrifice sleep to stay productive, but sleep deprivation diminishes your productivity so much throughout the day that youre better off sleeping.A study conducted at the Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that people who exercised twice a week for 10 weeks felt more competent socially, academically, and athletically. They also rated their body image and self-esteem higher.Best of all, rather than the physical changes in their bodies being responsible for the uptick in confidence, it was the immediate, endorphin-fueled positivity from exercise that made all the difference. Schedule your exercise to make certain it happen s, or the days will just slip away.8. Seek out small victoriesSmall victories can seem unimportant when youre really after something big, but small victories build new androgen receptors in the areas of the brain responsible for reward and motivation.This increase in androgen receptors increases the influence of testosterone, which further increases your confidence and your eagerness to tackle future challenges. When you have a series of small victories, the boost in your confidence can last for months.9. Dont say yes unless you really want toResearch conducted at the University of California in Berkeley shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression, all of which make it difficult to take charge of your career.Saying no is indeed a major challenge for many people. No is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield.When its time to say no, avoid phrases like I dont think I can or Im not cer tain. Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.10. Dont seek perfectionDont set perfection as your target. It doesnt exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible.When perfection is your goal, youre always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward excited about what youve achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.11. Focus on solutionsWhere you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that youre facing, you create and prolong negative emotions which hinder your ability to reach your goals.When you focus on the actions youll take to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves per formance.12. Forgive yourselfWhen you slip up, it is critical that you forgive yourself and move on. Dont ignore how the mistake makes you feel just dont wallow in it. Instead, shift your attention to what youre going to do to improve yourself in the future.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isnt easy.Success lies in your ability to rise in the face of failure, and you cant do this when youre living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you cant allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed.When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.Bringing it all togetherI hope these lessons are as useful to you as they have been to me over the years. As I write them, Im reminded o f their power and my desire to use them every day.Travis Bradberry is the coauthor of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people